How to blow an interview from hell.

Over the past few months I've been sending out resumes and searching through Monster and Craig's List regularly. I found a job under advertising and marketing and decided to apply. Creative Account Manager. It looked like a good fit for me. The next day I got an email asking me to call in for a ten minute interview. Finally! Somebody wants to interview me. I set up the appointment for Monday and enjoy my weekend.

Monday.
I show up at the office building fifteen minutes early. Portfolio in hand and a smile on my face. It's made clear to me that there are five others in the waiting room also scheduled for an interview. It's also obvious that my biggest competition is the 21 year in a ridiculously over-sized suit. I wasn't worried about the girl who showed up in jeans and a t-shirt. Anyway, I go in and interview, jumped through the hoops and five minutes later it was over. A few hours later I get a call back to go in for an all day interview on Tuesday. Dress Business professional.

Tuesday.
I show up bright and early. I'm greeted with Ashley, who is no more than nineteen, who I'll be shadowing all day. Ashley leads me out to her car and my instant reaction is, "Drew's Dodge Spirit is in better condition than this piece of crap." Well we get in the car and and the aroma of smoke/weed/manure hits me full force. Lord help me. I try to fasten my seatbelt but the fastener didn't work. While Ashley was piddling with something outside the car I quickly took the seat belt apart and realigned the spring so that when this big rolling turd died on the road I'd at least be fastened in.

It didn't take long to figure out what Ashely did. We walked straight up to a building that looked like it wasn't residential, knocked and proceeded with the following sales pitch;

"Hi I'm Ashely, This is Dani. We're with (Insert phone service) and we're here visiting preferred customers making sure you're not having any problems and that you're not being over charged."

Well, at first I thought Ashely had been assigned actual businesses and was speaking the truth. Heaven's no. It doesn't matter if you use tin cans and string them together, you are Ashely's preferred customer and she wants to sell you phone service because she works entirely on commission. How does she find you? Aimlessly driving around and going door to door.

Now I hate solicitors, as many people do. We stopped at a Chinese spa and were sworn at in Chinese and forced off the property. The best was stopping at a law firm were a 6'8" man came charging at me, screaming obscenities and started to rattle off rules and laws I was breaking merely by being present. Ashley was on the phone during all of this.

Near the end of the day Ashley puts on her business voice and states, "We've been interviewing for weeks. Out of all the candidates we've seen, you have the best people skills and the most promise. There is one other gentleman competing against you. Why should we pick you over him?" I thought for a second, and I remembered the screaming lawyer the Chinese women and the hoards of other unpleasant people I had met. I gave her an answer that would make my Career Services adviser have a heart attack. "Give him the job. I don't want it. Best of luck to you. Can I go home now?"

I don't think they'll call me back. Thank God.